Romantic Movies for Guys

Happy Valentine's Day.

While at LTUE today, Wendy Knight had asked this interesting question:

I'm in this panel right now, and they're saying that men want romance just as much as women, but they show that in different ways. I don't think I agree...or else wouldn't boys read romance novels? Thoughts? Opinions?

I replied something akin to, "It's true, we like it. We don't read romance novels because they aren't written for guys, they are written for girls. Since we are wired differently, we need it presented differently."

Wendy and one other person called me on it, saying that my answer was a little enigmatic, so I bumped into Wendy in the hallway and tried to explain myself. For coming up with it on a whim, I pat myself on the back, but I don't think I did a very good job. It went something like this:

"Romances are written for women in ways that women find romance attractive. They will spend pages and pages describing the characters, dedicating a full paragraph to the guy's belt and how/if it matched his shoes. Men aren't interested in that. We are more interested in the relationship itself, so when we read page after page after page of how hot and attractive the girl and guy is, we aren't all that interested."

In books I like that contain romance, there isn't such a focus on the looks. Harry Potter for example... not once did JK Rowling wax eloquently page after page about how Harry thought Ginny Weasley looked sexy or hot or anything. Ron and Hermione didn't spend chapter after chapter of them lusting after each other. But, I was glad to see both of those relationships form.

She seemed... somewhat convinced, but it got me thinking about it. Yes, I do like romances. Some of my most favorite movies are "Dan In Real Life" and "The Wedding Singer." All of these have the basic romantic formula (boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy loses girl, and they get together). So why does this work and not a Harlequin Romance or something like "Steel Magnolias"?

I think it comes down to two things.

First, and this might shock some (most? all? none?) of you, but I look nothing like Ryan Gosling, Brad Pitt, Humphrey Bogart, or Matthew McConaughey. I like the story of an average Joe much more. Why? Because I can relate to him more. I can understand why they question themselves and if they are fit for the relationship. It seems that with the romance novels I see, and the movies that bring girls to tears, the cover has somebody like the names I just listed or Fabio. It isn't that I feel intimidated by them and it isn't that I'm jealous I'm not them (well, there might be some of that), but I just don't get emotionally invested in the movie. Steve Carell and Adam Sandler? I identify with them a lot more. They represent the everyman, and I love watching the everyman find happiness.

Second, the character arc. I can't stand it when men are expected to change for girls in romances. DRIVES. ME. CRAZY. Mostly because I think the change is not permanent in these relationships. I doubt the "forever after" doesn't end up so "happily". I like it more when a man changes BECAUSE of the romance or the plot of the movie, the girl accepts him for who he is (including all of his faults... looks included), and they end up together because they belong together.

So, here are some examples. Since it is Valentine's Day, I thought the women might enjoy this list of romance movies that men might enjoy watching with them.

Dan In Real Life

Steve Carell is the everyman who wins the affections of a girl. Yes, she is hot, but that isn't the only reason he likes her. He enjoys talking to her. They click. They get each other. The thing keeping them apart is family politics. At the heart of this film is the importance of family. The girl doesn't say, "I want you to be better looking and act a certain way" in order for him to be with her. The experience does have Dan examining his own life and become more honest with himself and those around him. The growth that comes from that (and his brother running off with the Pig Face) enables him to win the girl.

Plus, the movie is laugh-out-loud HILARIOUS!

The Wedding Singer

This time, Adam Sandler is the everyman who ends up falling for a girl who is engaged to be married. While watching the movie, we not only love every minute Adam is in front of the camera, but we come to realize that the girl is marrying a jerk. Sandler's character is reluctant to interfere because he thinks it will destroy her happiness. He also thinks that the reason he can't win the girl is because he needs to change from his simple life to be worthy of her. This is what I find interesting, Sandler DOES change to win the girl, or attempts to. The scene of him begging for a business card with his name on it had me roaring in laughter. He ends up turning into somebody that the girl despises. The truth is, she already accepted him for who he is and when he realizes this, he swoops in to save her from marrying a complete butthead. His growth only involved him accepting himself and getting inspired to use his talents on her behalf.

Forrest Gump

Forrest and Jenny, a match meant for each other since their childhood. She's forced away because of her relationship with her Dad, while he just does his own thing. Forrest is confused as to why Jenny doesn't love him, but he isn't forced to change or become smart or anything in order for Jenny to eventually return his love. If anything, Forrest is enduring because he maintains his childhood innocence and it is Jenny who needs to change, overcome her childhood problems, and grows up. I like that Jenny doesn't change FOR Forrest; she changes for herself and her son before she is ready to spend the rest of her life with him.

Ghost

Yes, I admit, I liked this movie. Boy meets, likes, and marries girl only to get shot. He wants to still be with her and does everything he can to make it happen and help her move on with her life. He grew. She grew. They cut the bad guy in half with a plate of glass. Other than the awkward pottery scene, I enjoyed this movie very much, especially after Whoopie Goldberg's character hopped in. Granted, I don't look like Patrick Swayze, but this film didn't spend any time dwelling on how handsome he looked.

Ever After: A Cinderella Movie

Not all such stories need to be told from the male point of view. Barrymore is the everyman this time. Ha! Oddly, this breaks both of my rules for guy-friendly romances. The prince is handsome, and he needs to overcome his princely station in order to allow the relationship to succeed. I'll need to think about this one and why it is the exception. I suspect that it was because Barrymore's character didn't like the prince because of his looks, money, and power. She liked him because he wanted to help people and they had the same taste in books. I dunno... something to ponder, I guess.

Groundhog Day

Bill Murray... not that pretty. And here he has a very, very long day. The interesting thing about this is that the movie starts off with him being a complete jerk. If he had pursued the love interest at the beginning, I think everybody watching would cringe in fear. No, we didn't want that idiot to hook up with that nice girl. Throughout the movie, Murray's character changes a lot. His change even makes us want to change and make each day in our lives count. It isn't until he's changed and sees the goodness in Rita that we cheer for them to get together. He doesn't change for Rita, he changes because being good was the type of person he wanted to be.

The Princess Bride

To call this a romance is quite the stretch, but I just thought I'd put it in there. Cary Elwes is just a poor, loving farm boy who will do anything for the love of his life.

50 First Dates

Sandler again. And Barrymore. Very different formula. It's been a while since I've seen this, but I love how Sandler spends so much energy helping Barrymore have a better life. Her family doesn't want him involved, but I remember Sandler pointing out, "Hey, one day she's going to wake up and see that her face has aged a decade. You can't hide that. What about then?" Sandler helped her prepare for "about then".

And more

Hey, we like romance. We don't mind reading romances in a book. What we don't like is the feeling that we have to change in order to be worthy of a certain girl's attention.

Extending the Power Shower

If I'm not rushed in the morning, one of my favorite things is to take a nice, long, hot shower. Meanwhile, my time is broken down likewise (not in order, just a summation):

5 minutes - Cleaning myself
6 minutes - Re-enacting conversations I had the previous day, but I actually say stuff I should have thought of during the actual conversation.
5 minutes - Developing plans to establish world peace
2 minutes - Developing plans for taking over the world
5 minutes - Pondering the meaning of life
4 minutes - Plotting a novel or next blog post
3 minutes - Falling into a trance and letting my mind take me wherever I want to go

Yes, that's the ideal half an hour power shower. I don't get too many of these, but this morning I woke up feeling sick and skipped church, and such an experience was calling my name. While in my "Pondering the meaning of life" phase, I dwelled on why I love these showers so much. I came up with these answers:

1) It's nice, warm, and cozy; what isn't there to like?
2) The opportunity to let my mind brainstorm.
3) It clears my head.
4) Nobody is asking me to do anything.

Then I hit the "plotting my next blog post" phase, and decided to blog on my shower. Because, after all, wouldn't life be more wonderful if this thirty minutes could be experienced throughout the day--every day? Showering at my job isn't an option. Waking up early is seriously not an option (my water and gas bill would skyrocket). However, there are other options.

Nice and Cozy

I'm a huge fan of Stephen R. Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. The seventh habit encourages everybody to take a chill pill now and then. Taking a minute to smell the roses sharpens the senses and makes the challenges of life more bearable.

I need to remember that it is okay to do something for yourself now and then. Not only do you owe it to yourself, but such activities make you better at everything else in life.

As an introvert, cuddling up with a good book, watching a fun show or movie in my man cave, and getting plenty of rest does wonders for me.

Brainstorming

I'm not exactly sure how to expand this more than usual. Maybe it will need to be reserved for these showers or anytime I'm surrounded by similar-thinking individuals who can help me with the evaluation. Anybody have any ideas?

I do a lot of brainstorming when I drive, too. Maybe I'm already doing more of this without thinking about it.

Clearing the Head

I've been reading about meditation, and I'd like to give it a go sometime. Benefits include things like:

- Clearing the head
- Improved concentration
- Increased health
- Increased happiness
- Decreased stress

I'll try to fit it in now and then and report back one way or the other. Sadly, the shower seems the best place to get this in, as meditation seems to not be something that can be forced. I don't know... we'll see.

Nobody is Asking Me to do Anything

I've actually been more conscious of this lately and have taken a few steps to help out with this.

1) During my lunch break, if I can, I go for a walk. I bring my phone with me if I can't leave at exactly noon (I get too many phone calls when I'm expected to be around the office), but if I can get out the door at noon, I can leave it behind and enjoy a brief break. I can literally get away from it all! I'm within walking distance of the St. George temple, so I usually walk to it, circle around it, and then walk back to my office. It's a delightful 40 minutes that get me very, very close to the shower experience (minus the nice, warm, and cozy aspect). I can clear my head, de-stress a bit, and can usually returned re-energized and ready to conquer my workload. Part of it is the walk, a larger part of it is being left alone for a while.

2) I've turned off most notifications on my phone and computer. Email and social media notifications have been removed. I've even been turning off my Email at work, figuring if something is important I'll be getting a phone call and not an Email request. I still answer calls and texts, but the constant dinging of my cell phone telling me something just happened (which is usually inconsequential to the moment) was just too distracting. Well, now, it's gone, and I'm better for it.

3) I've been ditching my cell phone more often when I'm not working. Unless I'm expecting a call, I've been leaving my phone in another room from time to time. My cell phone is SUCH a ball n' chain most of the time, and this lets me periodically experience life without that anchor. If there's an emergency, you'll find a way to reach me, I'm sure. Hint: If I'm not answering my cell phone or texts, social media and Email isn't a way to reach me.

I know this might sound selfish, but it really isn't. I spend most of my day solving other people's problems, and little breaks like this recharge my batteries and make me a more productive. It isn't that I'm necessarily saying, "No!" I'm only saying--unless it's an emergency--"Not right now, please."

I think the world would be a better place if more people regularly sought out the power shower experience.

2013 Second Annual Duckett Reader Choice Awards

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I hope you find the success you are looking for in 2014! More on that in a future post...

Last year, I was challenged to read 100 books in a year. My final count: 105!

Like last year, I'm going to share my favorite books/series of the year, thus commences the 2013 Second Annual Duckett Reader Choice Awards. It's completely unscientific, totally based on my bias, in no particular order, and not necessarily published in 2013--I just read them in 2013. No 1st place, 2nd place thing--they all tie.

If you are interested, here was last year's post: 2012 Duckett Reader Choice Awards

If you purchase a book (or anything for that matter) by clicking on the links below, a percentage of the sales will benefit Ben Wolverton. I've mentioned him before, he is the kid who suffered severe head trauma, went into a comma, and almost died. To learn more about him and download a free book on the importance of wearing helmets, visit www.helpwolverton.com. I've updated the links to last year's awards so those also benefit Ben.

If you're looking for a good read, I suggest the following:

TOP 3 SERIES

The Wheel of Time Series

by Robert Jordan and Brandon Sanderson

I know, they won last year, but the series wasn't complete. Now it is. Epic fantasy and magic systems at its finest!

Beyonders
by Brandon Mull

This was the series that inspired Brandon Mull to become a writer. If you liked Fablehaven, this is a grown up version of those books. Epic fantasy that isn't as epic as The Wheel of Time, but is every bit as entertaining.

The Kingkiller Chronicles
by Patrick Rothfuss

I stumbled across this book as a recommendation from a friend of mine, and I've loved every single word of it. It is a book shy of being complete, so this has potential for winning again in a future year. Epic fantasy with an interesting magic system. What appeals to me most is the voice used throughout this book.

TOP 4 BOOKS

(This was hard whittling it down to 3. I read more books this year, so I'm going to do one more.)

The Hollow City
by Dan Wells

This one blew my mind, since the point of view character suffers from mental illness, you actually experience what life is like when you are a little on the crazy side. This is a book that has helped me to better understand people with mental illnesses like schizophrenia. He made a very different and alien character relatable and likable.

Fault in our Stars
by John Green

This book hit me right in the emotional heart strings. When deciding to read 100 books, one of the things I wanted to do was read outside my usual genre of choice. This is one of the books that made me really glad I decided to branch out. These characters are awesome with witty dialogue and an incredible struggle that felt very real.

NOS4A2
by Joe Hill

I read Horns by Joe Hill because horror is one of my favorite genres and I usually like to read the books that are being turned into movies. I liked it and wanted to read more of his work, which is why I picked up NOS4A2. Horns was good, but NOS4A2 was fantastic! I loved the characters, the plot, the setting, the... everything. Joe Hill has the potential to be one of my favorite authors if he keeps this up!

Dr. Sleep
by Stephen King

I picked up my first Stephen King book when I was 12 and have been a loyal reader since. However, a lot of his recent books have not thrilled me like his earlier ones. Dr. Sleep is the sequel to The Shining--one of my favorites of Stephen King--which follows little Danny Torrence into adulthood for an adventure of his own. I loved it and reminds me why I love reading Stephen King. I hope he keeps writing stories like this. If you love classic King, I highly suggest giving this one a shot. Oh, and The Shining is still a roller-coaster of a read to this day.

TOP 3 BOOKS AUTHORS ON WRITING

Character Arc and The Plot Thickens
by Jordan McCollum

I'm going to cheat here a bit because I enjoyed both these books, and her blog is one of my favorite blogs to visit when it comes to finding writing advice. The first link allows you to purchase it on Kindle, which benefits Ben (see above). However, both books--and more--are available for free if you go to the second link.

Structuring Your Novel
by K.M. Weiland

Speaking of favorite blogs, Weiland's is another favorite at Helping Writers Become Authors. After finishing off her book for structuring novels (which also gives advice on structuring scenes and sentences), I can't wait to dive into her other nonfiction book, Outlining Your Novel, which should be a natural extension to this one.

The Write it Right Series
by Tristi Pinkston

This is a link that shows the entire series, though I've only read two in the series so far (Dialogue and Creating Characters). I believe more are on the way. These are educational, witty, and quick reads that will get you pointed in the right direction in regards to certain topics. Her blog is another favorite of mine--and I'm now starting to catch a pattern. It also doesn't hurt that Tristi is a really fantastic Star Wars fan person.

Thank you, to the eleven of you, for writing amazing works and for entertaining and educating me. I'm looking forward to the books I can read in 2014!