Monday, February 24, 2014

My Conversation This Morning

Too many of my morning start like this

Voice: Hey, James....

Me: *Snort* Huh?

Voice: Jaaaaaaaaaames, wake uuuuuuuuup.

Me: *Nonsensical words, I think the word "rabbit" was in there*

Voice: JAMES!

Me: Ah! What?

Voice: I have a lot of things to discuss with you. I thought since you'd been asleep for half the morning, now might be a good time.

Me: What--? Dude, Brain, it's four in the morning. Can't this wait?

Voice: No, now is perfect. I've got so much to say.

Me: No. Stop. Don't. Seriously, Brain, I'm going back to sleep.

Voice: So, I've been working on this plan on how to dominate the world. Want to hear it?

Me: Why would I want to take over the world? That sounds like a lot of extra work I don't want right now. Plus, I can barely keep a goldfish and house plants alive, why would anybody want me ruling the world?

Voice: Well, if we discuss it now, you can think on it and when you've got the spare time and motivation, BAM! World domination.

Me: Not interested.

Voice: France would fall first.

Me: Okay, I'm a little interested. However, I'm still more interested in sleep.

Voice: Okay, well, I've got other ideas. Want to hear them?

Me: Oh my gosh, Brain. I just want to sleep! Now leave me alone or, I swear on everything I'm worth, I will beat myself over the head with a hammer until you SHUT. UP. AND. LET. ME. SLEEP!


Me: Aaahhhhh, sleep. I'll just turn the pillow over to the cool side and--

Voice: --I think I'm going to call your bluff. I don't think yo--

Me: Fine! I'm up, I'm up. Let me pee first.

Voice: Yay!

Me: *Two minutes later* Okay, Brain. What did you want to tell me?

Voice: *Makes bodily fluid sound*

Me: What was that? Did you toot?

Voice: Toot? Don't be such a girly-man. I farted. Yes, I had a brain fart, and I forgot everything. Come to think of it, it might not have been too important in the first place. You can go back to sleep now.


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